Four walls

Four walls and I cannot be

I cannot be boxed

It is not a fear

It is not a play

I was born with these insatiable wings

Curiosity my drug

Four walls, my hell

Forgive my bluntness

But I reject your offer

I do not need forever

I do not need eternity

I just want now

Tomorrow can easily escape

A fleeting dream

Your arms welcome me

Such warmth

Such devotion

Do not get fooled

By my response

For every morning

I have fled the scene

Curiosity my drug

Four walls, my hell

20/06/09

Confession
I easily crumble

I hear your sweet words
They ring in my ears
And bring a smile to my face
Excuse my deflection
But it's much easier for me
So please don't

No, don't listen to me
Please go on...

Stop you're sweet words
They scare me
Do you feel obliged?
Don't

No, don't listen to me
Please go on...

I hope...
You are the one
Who can see past my facade
Because more often than not
I find myself boxed up
And alone
And it's hard to make sense off
But it's become my familiarity
My hell
Is my safe haven.
Please help me break out.

And i hope...
I show you this one day
Because I can't explain it myself
Even if you ask me questions
I won't know what to say
I don't know when it started..
I just know it's crept up
Made its way within my veins
Now there's a stain on every cell
Tainted.

Silence

A second seems too long,
A moment isn't even considered,
The anxiety,
The fear,
Not knowing;
Not hearing anything.
Maybe it's human instinct to seek sound,
And crawl inside if we can't.
Why do we feel madness is upon us
If all we hear is emptiness?
Is it our weakest sense?


02/01/04

Reflection

She'd like to think she was over it
This childish crap
Mature
Wise
Finally content with herself
Whole.
But then it just creeps up
Though she can feel it
She can always feel it
Buried to an extent
But it always comes up
At the most inconvenient of times.
Thank you self esteem!
Slowly
But surely
It surfaces...
Everything turns to dust
And it keeps gnawing
Strength increases each passing minute..
Constant
Constant
That goddamn constant voice
Her voice
But not her true voice
But the voice that seems to overrule
And overpowers everything that's logical
Telling her truths
Untruths suddenly reality
The threads come undone
And she slowly becomes unhinged
Bye bye security
Self esteem
Strength
Everything falls to the floor
And the cause of it all
Such self destruction
And mental torture
Is where the light flickers
when it meets the sun,
And when she looks into it
She confronts her downfall-
Herself.

And then the door shuts
Nothing in
Nothing out
Locked

It's okay,
She's not claustrophobic.
Tight spaces,
Almost a familiar friend.

Almost doesn't count?
Says who?

bullshit peace

They say it.
Repeat it.
Shout it.
Scream it.
But in practice
Only when it suits them...

An eye for an eye is wrong
Democracy rules
Human rights reigns for all
Freedom is peace
Peace is freedom
Everyone has rights

But not him.

And I don't get it.
Twice in one year.
The capture of the most hated
And justice denied. Again.

And they wonder why there's
"an us and them" dichotomy...

11/02/11

9 months tomorrow
Your last stand
Your worlds own center piece
Every breath taken-
Watched.
Slower
Heavier
Fading
Gone...

Weepers surrounding you.
Heartbroken orphans.
Together
And yet alone.

You've become a character
in stories.
Your voice I don't recall.
But I recall your ever lasting vanity-
Coconut oil and henna.

Truth be told
I'm conflicted.
Who were you?
Because not everything
is what I want to hear.

So I'm going to compromise
And just let you be
Imbedded in memory
A person unknown.

The last person I want to be is you.
Trapped and loveless
Bound by duty
Bound by fear
Mad as all hell
Unsatisfied
I'll take my one chance in this life
With my own choices
Without the shouting
Without the tension
With a stupid smile

Justice failure...

So easy to judge
Standing on the outside
And you don't fit in that shoe
The hell with logic
Stereotype is truth

So easy to say
Says the circle to the square
Similar-
And yet nothing the same.

So easy to blame
With glossy bullshit
And that beautiful face
Pleading innocence
If only looks could kill...

Let me through
Hear that?
My pockets are full of cash
Let my money talk...

Now sir,
Art thou pleading guilty
Or innocent?

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

Entwined but
all tangled up.

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

Friends through it all
Cant throw it out
It's just there
Memories within all the blurry lines
These hands...

Stupid hands.
Awesome hands.
All held together.

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

I don't recall how
I first heard of you.
Is it important?
Really, is it?

I remember
I was
Captivated...

Your words spoke of change
A new wind was sweeping in
Society finally was seeing sense
And said fuck you to irrational "leadership"

I remember
I was
Excited...

Naive to the core
Comparisons of then and now
Same, same but different

My admission
That I fail to see the rhetoric
And
I don't want to see the rhetoric

Pessimist until the very end

Still waiting for the wind of change...

The dreamer
without the airy fairy crap.
You know,
the one who just believes
And staunchly, grasps to fate.

the land down under

Aaarghh they're coming!
Let's send them offshore
Send them offshore
Send THEM offshore
SEND THEM OFFSHORE
OH!
Me a xenophobe Mr General Secretary?
Never!
Utter Ludicrous
I stand for justice
And signed treaties
And signed declarations
This is just a minor internal implication...

Racist?
Us?
Utter nonsense,
Look at the pile of money
I gave to a black woman
to praise my country and bring tourists..
By the way, where are they?
Or
That black man I paid to
come and play golf in my humble abode..
And to bring in the $$$

What about the state of the indigenous?
Oh yes - we're writing another report.
But have you spoken to them?
What for?
There's a report coming out.
Yes, we need another report!

We all stand united in this country
Allegiance to the commonwealth
God Save the Queen!
And we proudly sing our national anthem
( during sporting events)
"For those who come across the seas
We've boundless straits to share..."

All we ask
is for a fair go...

Without a trace

In an instant
The fear took over,
To whom you once ran to-
You now hide,
Once you sought the limelight,
Shadows are now your crave,
No longer the worlds center piece,
Stepped back into the crowd,
Held back by your anger and fear,
Afraid to see what tomorrow may bring,
You leave in silence
Your footsteps blown away
Goodbye…

Sometime in 2001

Unheard shouts
Silent screams
Outside smiling
You and I
The perfection of make believe

Miserable silence
Empty feeling
The jilted lover even when
Before you I was standing

Raging hearts
Hurried breaths
Gasping moments
Unfulfilled desire

You and I
The perfection of make believe.


12/04/09

She slips. he crashes...

She slips
He crashes
A web of dance and pretense

She lies
He swallows

She walks
He’s oblivious
She runs
He’s blind

She slips
He crashes

Friendship, lost
Like, buried
Lust, extinguished
Love, forgotten

She lies
He swallows

13/03/09

Stuck in the middle of everything
Left?
Right?
Forwards?
Backwards?
Every turn blocked
Dead end

But unexpectedly
reality is dismissed
Unseen sights
Unheard tongue
Unfamiliar taste
Rules, all broken
Indulged
In every temptation,
Nothing matters in this whirlpool,

Morals
Conscience
Non existent
Effaced
Free

24/07/09

I am not surprised,
Yet I am overwhelmed-
Raw.

It’s been hanging by a thread
That I no longer see
I no longer feel
I no longer fear
Detached.

All is
Alluring…frightening…tempting
Within my reach

14//07/09

Falling forward
Anxious
Paranoid
Happy

Because she knows
But words fail
Though it's at the tip of her tongue
Gnawing...
Come out with it!

Trepidation.
That life long friend...

In desperation they come.
Dangerous journey.
To some it seems illogical
And yet, what gives us the right to say that?
Were we there?
Can we ever relate to their plight?

Just answer me this.

What's so confusing about escaping in-discriminatory persecution?
What's so confusing about a persons will to live?
What's so confusing about taking any means possible. Literally.
Have not acts of sheer desperation been done before?

Why is it that we learn history,
But not compassion?
Why is it that we see images of horror,
But are desensitized?
Why is it that we take things at face value,
But not question our leaders motives?
Why is it that we hear talking about "them",
And accept their dehumanization?

A nation confused
People who don't understand
Leaders who don't give a damn
So stop mentioning our goodness.
Hypocrites.