Silence

A second seems too long,
A moment isn't even considered,
The anxiety,
The fear,
Not knowing;
Not hearing anything.
Maybe it's human instinct to seek sound,
And crawl inside if we can't.
Why do we feel madness is upon us
If all we hear is emptiness?
Is it our weakest sense?


02/01/04

Reflection

She'd like to think she was over it
This childish crap
Mature
Wise
Finally content with herself
Whole.
But then it just creeps up
Though she can feel it
She can always feel it
Buried to an extent
But it always comes up
At the most inconvenient of times.
Thank you self esteem!
Slowly
But surely
It surfaces...
Everything turns to dust
And it keeps gnawing
Strength increases each passing minute..
Constant
Constant
That goddamn constant voice
Her voice
But not her true voice
But the voice that seems to overrule
And overpowers everything that's logical
Telling her truths
Untruths suddenly reality
The threads come undone
And she slowly becomes unhinged
Bye bye security
Self esteem
Strength
Everything falls to the floor
And the cause of it all
Such self destruction
And mental torture
Is where the light flickers
when it meets the sun,
And when she looks into it
She confronts her downfall-
Herself.

And then the door shuts
Nothing in
Nothing out
Locked

It's okay,
She's not claustrophobic.
Tight spaces,
Almost a familiar friend.

Almost doesn't count?
Says who?

bullshit peace

They say it.
Repeat it.
Shout it.
Scream it.
But in practice
Only when it suits them...

An eye for an eye is wrong
Democracy rules
Human rights reigns for all
Freedom is peace
Peace is freedom
Everyone has rights

But not him.

And I don't get it.
Twice in one year.
The capture of the most hated
And justice denied. Again.

And they wonder why there's
"an us and them" dichotomy...

11/02/11

9 months tomorrow
Your last stand
Your worlds own center piece
Every breath taken-
Watched.
Slower
Heavier
Fading
Gone...

Weepers surrounding you.
Heartbroken orphans.
Together
And yet alone.

You've become a character
in stories.
Your voice I don't recall.
But I recall your ever lasting vanity-
Coconut oil and henna.

Truth be told
I'm conflicted.
Who were you?
Because not everything
is what I want to hear.

So I'm going to compromise
And just let you be
Imbedded in memory
A person unknown.

The last person I want to be is you.
Trapped and loveless
Bound by duty
Bound by fear
Mad as all hell
Unsatisfied
I'll take my one chance in this life
With my own choices
Without the shouting
Without the tension
With a stupid smile

Justice failure...

So easy to judge
Standing on the outside
And you don't fit in that shoe
The hell with logic
Stereotype is truth

So easy to say
Says the circle to the square
Similar-
And yet nothing the same.

So easy to blame
With glossy bullshit
And that beautiful face
Pleading innocence
If only looks could kill...

Let me through
Hear that?
My pockets are full of cash
Let my money talk...

Now sir,
Art thou pleading guilty
Or innocent?

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

Entwined but
all tangled up.

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

Friends through it all
Cant throw it out
It's just there
Memories within all the blurry lines
These hands...

Stupid hands.
Awesome hands.
All held together.

My hand.
Her hand.
Your hand.
Small.
Medium.
Tall.

I don't recall how
I first heard of you.
Is it important?
Really, is it?

I remember
I was
Captivated...

Your words spoke of change
A new wind was sweeping in
Society finally was seeing sense
And said fuck you to irrational "leadership"

I remember
I was
Excited...

Naive to the core
Comparisons of then and now
Same, same but different

My admission
That I fail to see the rhetoric
And
I don't want to see the rhetoric

Pessimist until the very end

Still waiting for the wind of change...

The dreamer
without the airy fairy crap.
You know,
the one who just believes
And staunchly, grasps to fate.

the land down under

Aaarghh they're coming!
Let's send them offshore
Send them offshore
Send THEM offshore
SEND THEM OFFSHORE
OH!
Me a xenophobe Mr General Secretary?
Never!
Utter Ludicrous
I stand for justice
And signed treaties
And signed declarations
This is just a minor internal implication...

Racist?
Us?
Utter nonsense,
Look at the pile of money
I gave to a black woman
to praise my country and bring tourists..
By the way, where are they?
Or
That black man I paid to
come and play golf in my humble abode..
And to bring in the $$$

What about the state of the indigenous?
Oh yes - we're writing another report.
But have you spoken to them?
What for?
There's a report coming out.
Yes, we need another report!

We all stand united in this country
Allegiance to the commonwealth
God Save the Queen!
And we proudly sing our national anthem
( during sporting events)
"For those who come across the seas
We've boundless straits to share..."

All we ask
is for a fair go...

Without a trace

In an instant
The fear took over,
To whom you once ran to-
You now hide,
Once you sought the limelight,
Shadows are now your crave,
No longer the worlds center piece,
Stepped back into the crowd,
Held back by your anger and fear,
Afraid to see what tomorrow may bring,
You leave in silence
Your footsteps blown away
Goodbye…

Sometime in 2001

Unheard shouts
Silent screams
Outside smiling
You and I
The perfection of make believe

Miserable silence
Empty feeling
The jilted lover even when
Before you I was standing

Raging hearts
Hurried breaths
Gasping moments
Unfulfilled desire

You and I
The perfection of make believe.


12/04/09

She slips. he crashes...

She slips
He crashes
A web of dance and pretense

She lies
He swallows

She walks
He’s oblivious
She runs
He’s blind

She slips
He crashes

Friendship, lost
Like, buried
Lust, extinguished
Love, forgotten

She lies
He swallows

13/03/09

Stuck in the middle of everything
Left?
Right?
Forwards?
Backwards?
Every turn blocked
Dead end

But unexpectedly
reality is dismissed
Unseen sights
Unheard tongue
Unfamiliar taste
Rules, all broken
Indulged
In every temptation,
Nothing matters in this whirlpool,

Morals
Conscience
Non existent
Effaced
Free

24/07/09

I am not surprised,
Yet I am overwhelmed-
Raw.

It’s been hanging by a thread
That I no longer see
I no longer feel
I no longer fear
Detached.

All is
Alluring…frightening…tempting
Within my reach

14//07/09

Falling forward
Anxious
Paranoid
Happy

Because she knows
But words fail
Though it's at the tip of her tongue
Gnawing...
Come out with it!

Trepidation.
That life long friend...

In desperation they come.
Dangerous journey.
To some it seems illogical
And yet, what gives us the right to say that?
Were we there?
Can we ever relate to their plight?

Just answer me this.

What's so confusing about escaping in-discriminatory persecution?
What's so confusing about a persons will to live?
What's so confusing about taking any means possible. Literally.
Have not acts of sheer desperation been done before?

Why is it that we learn history,
But not compassion?
Why is it that we see images of horror,
But are desensitized?
Why is it that we take things at face value,
But not question our leaders motives?
Why is it that we hear talking about "them",
And accept their dehumanization?

A nation confused
People who don't understand
Leaders who don't give a damn
So stop mentioning our goodness.
Hypocrites.

Look no hands
No strings attached
Free falling

Call me an idealist
The capitalist fool!
Because I do believe that-
The voiceless
The hungry
The invisible
Will be-
Heard.
Fed.
Seen.
Surely man's greed cannot be so deep?
It can be yielded.
It can be changed.
This I believe.
This I have to believe.

Friend,
Can i still call you that?
Years without a word.
And yet still haunted
By the friendship that was.
Your words,
Such a cowardly goodbye.
Awaiting a reply?
I have one.
It's neatly folded in my drawer
Just waiting...
I'm sorry,
I guess I'm still finding an excuse
My prides not as keen as it once was
21 and fierce
23 and regretful
Do friendships repair?
Or like one time lovers do they get lost?
Here's hoping
Life's too short
And we both
live and let live.
Sincerely yours,
Lost friend.

So easily did you wash your hands of me
Bluntly did you state your claims
Years and memories
Erased

Mistakes I indeed made
Perfection I have never claimed
Friendship was my offer
Given with trust, belief and love

Miscommunication; I admit
Misunderstanding; even more so
Guilt; I have many
Pride; an ill weakness

I heard your words
I still hear them
Haunting me in dreams
Clouding my thoughts

True to nature
Stubborn you remain
My side unheard
Assumptions made
Your source
The damned grapevine
Stubborn you did remain

I miss you
Probably I always will
However it’s not worth my feeling of loss
For you are no better than I

13/06/09

All i see is love.
She loves her
And she's loved back by her.
Pure and simple.
Against all the crap
The hatred
The chaos
There's just love here.

Welcome to modernity
The age of ignorance
Where the voice of ugly
Is the minority
Yet the loudest

Welcome to modernity
Where democracy rules
Where the state and church are separate
But marriage is religious
It's only between man and woman.
Women need men.
Men need women.
That is the right way...

Welcome to modernity.
Sex is religion
But you're not natural
Your love is not real
Your love is to be ridiculed
Shout it at the top of your lungs.

I'm sorry this is what faces you
A wall of opposition
A voice of ugly
A tide of ignorance
Trapped due to politics
I'm raging with anger beside you
So sad to say
But welcome to modernity...

Here again-
the inevitable.
Lack of air
Clarity,
Sense,
Reason
GONE
SO GONE

Everything
is the impossible

Come see it through my eyes

Fleeting as it was
The feeling of being wanted-
so long missed.
Those lingering moments-
so long missed.

Stuck
Motionless
Walls closing in
Air getting tighter
Walls closing in
Soundless jibberish
Walls closing in
Who cares?
Surrender

Report Card 2011

Fear is just a state of mind
Doing things when scared s***less is the way to go
It’s not that I can’t...I just won’t
Time out from family is needed
Sharing grief eases pain
Seeing family cry is heart wrenching
Settling is not good enough
Sitting next to you and feeling lonely is not enough
Talking to you and feeling nothing is not enough
Being ignored for lack of time management is not enough
Lack of affection is not enough
Lack of communication is not enough
Emotional rhetoric is not enough
Saying goodbye is doing the right thing
Making friends over mutual love for Eurovision is normal
Unexpected friends make life fun
Old friends make the best friends
Neighbourly love over cricket world cup
Basking in the wonder of Michael Buble’ whilst dancing with random lady sitting next to you
Booking plane tickets at the spur of the moment is wonderful!
Traveling with cousin to just get away from it all
Basking in the sun and drinking coconut with your best girl is needed
Elephants are spectacular
Having someone braid your hair for 3 hours will cause sore bottom syndrome
Getting a 90 minute full body thai massage before boarding plane is never wise
It will lead to a week of pain
Money is not everything
Harry Potter is not a phase
Falling in love with fictional characters will never end
Temptation; the biggest test
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should
Dancing; medicine, joy, necessity…
The world is not in our control
In an instant, all can be swallowed up
Human compassion, kindness, feeling is not lost
Having a good ‘ol book binge is awesome
Smelling old books is totally normal
Giggling which turns into whole hearted laughter is magical
Dancing until 5am are epic nights
You can meet, hug and kiss someone goodbye at the airport after knowing each other for 10 minutes

Explain yourself
Because we're all left reeling
Numbed with grief
The everyday shattered.

Screams
Screams
Can you not hear the screams?
Ringing in my ears
The screams reverberating against the walls
Screams
Screams
Make it stop

Destruction completed
Damage done
What for?
Why?
Explain yourself

Why?

Walking on the edge
One foot in
One foot out
Ready to escape
Running
Reaching for the oblivion

Blank

Chapter ended.

Next.

Blank page
Words
Ideas
Crashing against each other
Eraser at the ready

Page is blank.

Story to be continued...

Ma,

How can you say let's talk,
When you don't even have a clue?

I'm sick of apologising for all
that I'm not,
It's time you accepted me,
As I've accepted you.

Trust my decisions
Accept my mistakes
Believe that I'll learn my lesson
Stop the emotional guilt-trip

This life is mine
Freedom reigns
Let
Me
Fly

You were made for fun
Dearest wanderer,
Smile away...

You were made for fun
Insatiable
Damn morals
Damn them all

You were made for fun
Reality ignored
Rules not an issue
Nameless nights
Beautiful canvass
Sour taste

You were made for fun

Look in the mirror,
What do you see?
Because I'm consumed with cowardice.
And I feel so small
My will shrinking into nothing
And I hate that this is happening
This isn't me
This isn't right
I'm sorry

Don't let me get lost,
Don't let me get buried,
Don't let me forget,
Don't let me get lost,
Such earnest requests...

But why do you easily slip away?
So easily vanish?
Inevitably block out?
Go into a box?

The anchor is breaking.

Three cheers to nothing

I hear the crowds
The cheers
Their jeers
Death to the most hated,
Celebration rampage.

Though I understand,
It all makes me sick.
Celebrating death?
Celebrating murder?
Isn't that what "the enemy" does?

I understand the intentions.
I understand the sentiment.
i understand the fear.
I understand the relief.
But excuse me,
For I refuse to join in
the frivolity.

Crumbles,
Ruins,
What once stood tall
Dusty void.

And somehow despite
the chaos,
uncertainty,
and utter hell
Tomorrow comes.

Helpless
What can I do?
Useless
Nothing
So I watch the figures on the screen
Read the words
Hear the news

Prayer of thanks-
Glad it's them not me?
How is that to ease my conscience?

Blinded to the truth
Smile away
Watch the truth become nothing
Hello, security blanket

But I'm no better
Smile back
Waiting for the veneer to drop
Yet...
Wanting the truth to stay concealed
Just for that bit longer

Brazen.
Because that one look should say it all..

Look.
But dont touch...
What kind of game is that?

Brazen-
If only